the quote board's inspiration: nat held it down

I've been meaning to start a quote board for a while. Now it's there, over to the right, see?

Anyway, my forever homeboy Nat came up from Atlanta a few weeks before I graduated. The proudest Southerner I've ever met, Nat is pretty much Mark Twain with a John Smoltz poster on his wall. A whip-smart, fiercely loyal Braves fan. He's pretty much my ideal baseball compadre, because he'll teach me something without being a dick about it. I have trouble with this. Naturally, we caught a surprising Baltimore Orioles game. The O's managed to hold off Josh Beckett and the Red Sox, who I'm beginning to hate just as much as the Yankees. Their fans are awful bandwagoners and it results in lots of this [semi-NSFW].

The O's have been standing around with their thumbs up their asses [pictured below] for about a decade.


That said, their fans have stuck around through some straight-up bullshit ownership. I dig sitting in the Camden Yards bleachers anyway, because it's the second-best ballpark I've ever been to, but the drunken fans [and their repartee with possibly-drunken-maybe-just-dumb Sox fans] were awesome. Some prime quotes from them [beware the 'you had to be there' factor; I'm giggling as I'm writing these]:

[Pedroia breaks his bat on a grounder] "Bat! Broken bat! ... That's exciting!"

"Throw some meat!" [a relentless call to Jeremy Guthrie and other Os pitchers throughout the game; in the 8th we figured out the guy was really saying "Throw some heat!" and cackled.]

 "She's fat and she smells and she has no friends, and I'm sick of [girlfriend's name] and everyone else at the Wal-Mart pitying her." [This was the jewel of a game-long back-and-forth between the speaker, his friend and accompanying bored girlfriend, and occasionally - over the phone - the speaker's Wal-Mart employed gf. It was awesome.]

Yay Baltimore fans. In about the seventh, a Red Sox fan started some shit about seven sections down, attacked someone up the steps, and got a good old-fashioned high knee for his troubles. Right in the nose. Then security escorted him out without really investigating. Home cookin'.

Yay Baltimore fans.


Boo Red Sox fans, who are pretty much the hypermasculine chubs you traditionally think of or these chicks:



Here's some quotes from the ever-erudite Nat:

Me:  [after the Red Sox CF bones a relay throw] "He's a little bit upset."
Nat: "Of course he is. His name's Coco Crisp."

"The Orioles should have an ad campaign composed solely of fans' "O faces"."

[after I relayed the infamous Bill Ripken 'error' baseball card story [incredulously] "Billy 'Fuck Face' Ripken??"

Me: [after four girls pass by, three in York College shirts, one in a -guhhhh- Paul O'Neill replica] "This confirms everything I have ever suspected about York College."
Nat: [in an out-of-nowhere frat boy imitation] "I think that one girl [in the O'Neill jersey] went to Big Tits know what their motto is? 'They plump when you cook 'em.'"

Nat, my man, I don't even know what that means. Hope to go to a game with you again soon.