dear brett favre

Dear Brett Favre,

I respect you. I even kind of like you. You seem like a reasonable guy, so you'd probably admit that you're one the luckiest athletes of all time. You have a Super Bowl win, and, improbably, are three wins away from another one. Your consecutive games streak is astonishing. Announcers and comparatively intelligent newborns will learn to think of you, mistakenly, as the greatest quarterback of all time.

However, I'm a Seattle Seahawks fan.


Middle row, second from right.

So I'd like to ask you politely, with all the fervor of a mulleted Wisconsin fourth third-grader singing "Brett Favre the Green Bay Packer" to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", to please, please be yourself this afternoon against the 'Hawks. And not the reserved, calm Jekyll Favre that we've seen on occasion.

Be this guy.


You know, Hyde Favre. The guy who has the most interceptions in NFL history. The guy with the checkdown discipline of a meth addict. The guy who throws the ball a good 5 yards past the line of scrimmage.

It'll be fun. And you'll be behind in the fourth quarter and can attempt a valiant comeback. Besides, you're coming back next year and then your guys will all have playoff experience. It'll be great. And Joe Buck will fellate you no matter what. Literally.