timekiller, part ii: picking a team

It’s been a long time since I ran through most of the NHL in an attempt to find my new team to support. You can read the first part here. It’s taken me a long time to come up with part II because, well, the Sonics are kind of intriguing. Bad, but intriguing.


But it’s time; I, like everyone else, watched the Winter Classic. Which was awesome.


And I’m psyched to watch the NHL on NBC while I’m home on break and around a TV. That – both being home and near a television – is to blame for the wack updating. Sorry about that.

I rediscovered Sports Argument Wiki a few weeks ago; it’s the best of the best forum on the internet [which may not be saying much] – the Something Awful Forums. Stupid-smart humor veiling the honesty of the sports subforum, Sports Argument Stadium. We’ll be using that in a bit.

Here are the teams that survived my picky first cut.

  • Pittsburgh Penguins
  • Boston Bruins
  • Edmonton Oilers
  • Calgary Flames
  • Detroit Red Wings
  • Chicago Blackhawks
  • Montreal Canadiens
  • Toronto Maple Leafs
  • Washington Capitals

But you know what? I’m sorry; I love Canada and I may well be living there one day, but I can’t root for a Canadian team just yet. It’s, uh, un-American.

So that leaves [with current records]:

  • Detroit Red Wings 32-8-3
  • Chicago Blackhawks 19-19-3
  • Pittsburgh Penguins 23-16-2
  • Boston Bruins 21-16-4
  • Washington Capitals 17-20-5

The Wings are too good; they’re out. I’m a Seattle fan; success scares the shit out of me. I’d rather my team surprise me when they become really good.

Let’s take it to the SAW:

Chicago Blackhawks: There’s nothing, or nearly nothing on the SAW page. Not good. Skip.

Pittsburgh Penguins: This is the team I saw win the Winter Classic. And I’ve never been able to root for a team with the face of the league on it. It's a pretty impressive resume, but my irrational hate of Pittsburgh would make this difficult. SAW gives us this image:


That is a pretty stupid team name. 

Boston Bruins: Already the frontrunner because I found my Ebbets Field Flannels Bruins jacket. And, for some reason, a T-shirt.


SAW sez:

The Bruins have been in rebuilding mode for the last 15 seasons, trying to overcome the curse of the old Boston Garden and poor player management. By picking up Zdeno Chara in an attempt to provide a defensive backbone, and supported up front by Patrice Bergeron, Marc Savard and Phil Kessel, the Bruins have laid a solid foundation for years of future rebuilding.


Washington Capitals: SAW, in its infinite wisdom, redirects a search for 'Capitals' to Alexander Ovechkin.

Ovechkin also comprises the entire management and scouting staff of the Washington Capitals, since he needs to build the team around himself. He is a player very similar to Sidney Crosby in that people outside of Canada might know who he is in a few years.

Which I understand. Mostly because of this video.

However, it sounds like Ovechkin's ready to bounce to the Maple Leafs whenever his contract's up [that reminds me, I have no idea how salary cap works in the NHL] and I've been through enough A-Rods and Griffeys to want nothing more than an ensemble cast. Which is what the Bruins have. 

So, as much as it pains me to align myself with a city whose fan base is known for bandwagoneering, I'm going to try my damnedest to become an honest-to-Gawd Bruins fan. I've already got the gear. And after the Seahawks' magical run ends, I'm going to throw myself into, y'know, actually figuring out what constitutes icing.