that's more kobe beef than japanese restaurants

Oh, just imagine if the blogosphere had been around back in the day. What if Charles Barkley or Darryl Dawkins or Spaceman Lee could take to the internets with shit like this?

I'm one of the few sports fans who neither loves nor hates Kobe Bryant; I respect the hell out of him as a player, and I think that he didn't rape anyone or drive anyone out of town. But he still plays for one of my least favorite teams. Not for long, I guess, though...

Let's FJM this mother. [Great site, by the by, I'm proud to rip them off.]

Wassup y'all ...

Okay. We're good through two words and an ellipse. 

Man, today is one of those surreal days for me and my family. When you love something as much as I love the Lakers its [sic] hard to even imagine thinking about being elsewhere. But, the ONE THING I will never sacrifice when it comes to basketball is WINNING.

Look, I can't begin to understand how competitive you are as a person. I also can't begin to understand how rich you are. So...maybe you could restructure your deal? I didn't see anything about refusing to sacrifice money. Maybe, if, say, you worked a sign-and-trade for Rashard Lewis, then dealt Andrew Bynum for a center who could play night in and night out now, you'd be WINNING. Also, 'imagine thinking' is super redundant. It's not like this is an interview - you typed this. It makes me think this was an emotional blurt rather than a measured demand.

That is plain and simply what it's all about. It's in my DNA.


It's what pushes me to work as hard as I do. It's my daily passion and pursuit.

I mean, yeah. It has been since you were what, eight? You're one of the five best basketball players to live. I'm happy you're motivated. 


The more I thought about the future, the more I became convinced that the Lakers and me just have two different visions for the future. The Lakers are pursuing a longer-term plan that is different from what Dr. Buss shared with me at the time I re-signed as a free agent.

Okay, this actually makes sense. Your boss misled you. But the thing is, the Lakers and you ['I', not 'me', Mamba] don't have to see eye-to-eye. You can either be Dominique [play well forever and hope things improve] or Vince [play like even more of a wuss than usual until traded]. What the fuck is this third-choice go-to-the-media horseshit. Also, you totally should not have resigned as a free agent. You should have signed with the Clippers.

I have seen that plan unfold for the last three years and watched great trade opportunities come and go, and have seen free agents passed on. That has led to the Lakers not winning a playoff series.

True. Also, Jerry West left and Mitch Kupchak replaced him. Just call them out by name. 

All of that was frustrating in itself, but then, this week to have someone "inside" the Laker organization try to blame me in the media for us not being a contender right now -- that is what brought me to my current position today.

That's gotta be tough, but haven't you been through worse

I want it to be clear that I still love, with all my heart, the Laker Legacy. From Mikan to West to Goodrich to Wilt to Kareem to Magic. That will never change. And the support my family and I have gotten from Lakers fans is undeniably the best. I will also always believe that.

This is straight from the Clay Bennett Exit Strategy Handbook. Honestly, this is pretty good stuff. If I were a Lakers fan, I'd be on Kobe's side; he's been more excellent than anyone else in the organization since Cannibal Ox left. 

But, now there is a new road ahead. I am gonna keep grindin and keep workin to get back to competing for Championships.

In New York? Anywhere in the East? No. Sorry. If you really care about winning, ask to be traded to Minnesota. You and KG have a shot. That's like the only realistic place. What? Minnesota not glamorous enough for wifey? How does she feel about all this, anyway?

Sometimes the trek up the mountain is tough. But, I know we'll get there.

Strength and Honor,

I don't even know whose fault this is. Kobe, you should have left a long time ago. You made this bed, lay in it. Lakers, you're retarded. Look what your decisions hath wrought. 

Kobe, I hope you get traded to New York and never win another championship. And I hope that the Lakers suck for another five years, then return to a level of prominence just below the Sonics. And I hope one of my friends hooks up with Vanessa. Honestly, you get three and GP gets a cheap one? Ain't right. 

However, I still do respect the hell out of your game