oh my gawwwd!: the 5 best wrestling promos ever

I hadn't watched more than 5 minutes of 'professional' wrestling before this semester. But, after pestering from a certain back-home friend, it slowly became my Youtube addiction. Yeah, it's probably indefensible, but [199] I have a predisposition for crazy violence, fake as it might be.

I missed out on the golden era of wreslting [1998-2000 or 2000-2003, depending on who you ask] but it's really easy to get caught up because WWE doesn't really make people take down footage from FLV sites. The best way is by watching promos that encapsulate months-long fueds. For my considerable lack of money, WWE's production team is on par with NFL Films. As a kid who would watch dramaticized season recaps of my miserable Seahawks for hours on end, I have a natural affinity for cheap drama. Here are my five favorites.

5. Randy Orton vs. Triple H - 2004 - promo for Unforgiven 

Orton's currently the best heel in WWE, and clearly he learned it from Triple H, who carries this thing. Orton's demonic grin and sledgehammer rampage are aces, but the sneers and 'consequences of your actions' speech from Trips are what do it for me. Probably the only good Saliva song ever too.

4.  Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle - 2001 - promo for Unforgiven

The best announcing team ever - Jim Ross and Paul Heyman; a score better than most thriller movies; insane hijinks on both sides; and Austin's best heel run coinciding with Angle's best face run. "C'mon, Austin, cry!" 

3. Eddie Guerrero vs. Kurt Angle - 2005 - promo for Summerslam 

Maybe the best short promo ever. Eddie Guerrero was a killer face. Good echo ending too. Also, Angle was the best oblivious heel ever and when he got evil it just went to another level.

2. Bret 'Hitman' Hart vs. Shawn Michaels - 1997 - promo for Survivor Series

It's not the best technical piece, but one thing comes through heavy and carries it. These two really really didn't like each other. The fact that the match is maybe the most famous finish ever is actually irrelevant.

1. Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock - 2001 - promo for Wrestlemania 

Limp Bizkit notwithstanding, the greatest promo package in my limited wrestling history. Every musical cue is flawless. From Rock giving the Stunner at 2:00 on, it's straight to the top.