sports-music crossover: flo rida is jeremy shockey

So I'm in the BWI airport.

Managed to get on the intertubes thanks to USO, checking my facebook wall, and my favorite rapper-luster Game has posted something along the lines of:

low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low low

I see you girl. Flo Rida [pronunced like 'flow rider'] has a pretty hot single on his hands in 'Low', mostly thanks to T-Pain. I guess I respect him, but he's got that obnoxious Miami swagger going on and I have the residual hatin' from knowing I can rap circles around him. Also, dude looks like a buckled Tank, and, well, there's this:

flo%20rida.jpg
Hope you kept the receipt. 

That is just inexcusable. I mean - wait. Wait a second. Hold the phones. From Miami...gruesome tatts...inflated sense of self...not as good as his collaborators...where have I seen this before?

shockeyeagle.jpg 

A-ha. Flo Rida is Jeremy Shockey! Granted, I should probably say Jeremy Shockey in his monster senior year at the U, but I don't think he had the tatt then. Still, they're not so obnoxious you'll turn the TV off because of them, a la Terrell Owens/DJ Khaled [there's a comparison for you], but they're not good enough to be big stars in their own right.

Shockey's probably a bit better at what he does than Rida, although he's gonna have plenty of time to improve with being #1 on iTunes and all. Hilariously, Flo's ciki says that "We are not correct about the date but he is 27 years old." Shockey's 27, too. And who couldn't picture Flo Rida doing something like this? He comes off as a little dumb in that video.

shockeyshocked.gif 

If Flo sticks with the Pain Train, I could see him racking up a few AMA's, which I feel are the musical equivalent to Pro Bowls. I know this cat's new, so the comparison is more embarrassing to Shockey, who I'm sure is grimacing if he's reading this.

But hey, Jer, you could have gotten a better tattoo. Or at least not one of your division rival

[Jeremy Shockey stats @ pro-football-reference]

[Flo Rida's official site Myspace]

P.S. Does this make T-Pain Tiki Barber? I think so.